“The Lord works all things for good.”
“Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders.”
These are a few of the things we say in the Christian world we’re when talking about God’s will for us. We spout them off when we’re talking about our future plans. When we say them, we think we believe them. But a lot of the time we really don’t. What we really believe is, “The Lord works all things out exactly how I want them.” What we really mean when we sing “Oceans” is, “Spirit, lead me to a place where I am comfortable.” And when things don’t pan out how we want them, we freak out.
I’m going through this right now y’all and it SUCKS. I’m the type of guy that has to have a plan. If I don’t have a plan, I get antsy. I had a nice little plan for the next few years of my life. But last week, God said, “Nahh.” He took my neat little plan and completely turned it upside down.
I wish I could say that I reacted with calmness and grace. But I can’t. I was pissed, y’all. I was so mad at God. I felt like he had betrayed me. I felt like he left me hanging. I mean, I had prayed about it and I felt like I had confirmation from God that this was his will for me for this season of my life. But apparently, I was wrong. And instead of trusting God and having faith in his goodness, I freaked out. I ran from God in a haze of anger and hurt.
But tonight I realized something. I say I believe that the Lord has good plans for me. I say I believe that God is a good dad. But who cares what I say I believe when everything is going my way? What matters is what I believe when everything goes sideways. It’s easy to say, “Yeah God, I trust you” when everything is peachy. But when things don’t go my way, can I still say I trust him?
It’s not easy. I’m not saying I suddenly had this epiphany and now I understand why God decided to swerve my plan. I’m not even saying that I’m 100% at peace with the fact that God decided to swerve my plan. But I do know one thing: God is a good dad. That’s it. That’s all I know for certain. So I cling to that with everything in me. And I choose to trust him even though sometimes I don’t feel like it. Nothing in my life is certain but Jesus. But I’m working on being OK with that because Jesus is all I need.